Community, Hospitality, and the 80/20 Rule
Has it ever felt like you are the only one trying to get together with others? Perhaps the load of inviting, hosting, activity ideas, etc. always seem to fall on you. Especially when in a new town, it may seem that you are the only one desiring to form a community and there doesn’t seem to be a lot of reciprocation.
This phenomenon where you are putting in roughly 80% of the effort for only 20% return is actually a widespread concept known as the 80/20 rule. In this post, I’m breaking down what the 80/20 rule is, how it’s prevalent in other fields, my experience with it, as well as some encouragement to push through.
Origin of the 80/20 Rule
The 80/20 rule comes from the general idea that 80% of consequences come from 20% of causes. The concept originated from the works of Italian economist, Vilfredo Pareto, who found that 80% of the land in Italy was owned by 20% of the population.
The 80/20 rule can be applied in a variety of disciplines, from economics to health to mathematics. A common example of the 80/20 as displayed in economics is the fact that 80% of the world’s wealth is owned by 20% of the world’s population. In the nonprofit world, it is common for organizations to find that 80% of the necessary work is done by 20% of their volunteer force.
My Experience with the 80/20 Rule
In my experience, the 80/20 rule also applies to building a community and practicing hospitality. About a year into our marriage, my husband and I moved to a new city where we didn’t have any connections. My husband and I spent years (yes, literal years) seeking others out, inviting people over, and only getting a 20% return on our investment.
Basically, 80% of the time, we would do the inviting, and only 20% of the time would that effort be reciprocated. That sounds harsh and a bit depressing, but that’s the reality of what it looks like, especially on the front end. It was definitely frustrating at times, and we frequently felt rather defeated. But in the end (where we are at now), we have a community around us – one that we are still working to grow and invest in.
The 80/20 Rule and Community
When you are working to build a community, I truly believe that, as a general rule, you should expect to put in 80% of the effort (initiation, idea generation, etc.) in while only getting 20% back. This goes for invitations to dinner, playdates, lunch, etc.
You may just be the 20%. And that’s okay. It won’t be like that forever. It’s important to remember that everyone is in a different season of life, with different capacities, workloads, family situations, and so much more on their plates.
Kendra of The Lazy Genius just had a post about this very thing, but from the viewpoint of one receiving the invites. More likely than not, there is more going on than meets the eye, and your efforts are appreciated! Don’t give up.
Pushing Through as the 20%
While you may be the 20% now, it’s worth it. Remember why you are doing it. What is the desired outcome you are looking for? As you continue to reach out, recognize that slowly but surely, you are building a community and a culture of your own circle.
Frustrating as it is, remember that it may not be this way forever. Life is made up of alternating seasons of giving and receiving; some seasons are longer than others, but they do change.
And don’t forget – your efforts are appreciated! Almost everyone has a fear of how they will look to someone when they reach out (and reach out and reach out), but there needs to be one person to be bold enough to just do it. You can break the pattern.
As the 20%, you have the opportunity to change the culture of your community. Keep going!
Start Inviting!
Whether you are just starting to reach out to others regularly, are a seasoned member of the 20% club (
), or are looking to start, check out my free Fall Bucket List below! This list is the perfect start for ideas for reaching out to others in hospitality.
